somedays, being a mommy is really hard. when your little girl is sick and hysterically crying for no real reason except she just feels crummy, and her crying makes your 2 1/2 month old cry, and your home is a wreck and you really want to be cleaning but instead you are juggling crying kids and feeling like pulling your hair out.

but then,

you relax later in the evening with your husband, watching "Scrubs" season 2 on dvd, eating popcorn, drinking dt. dr. pepper. and it's good.

and walking into the kitchen, you see a little pink care bear. 2 years ago, there wouldn't have been a little pink care bear laying on the floor.

i love the evidences of my children showing up in my life.


these thoughts brought to you by the beautiful journaling on molly's layouts. check 'em out.

-for making me not feel like i am alone with my crazy ramblings.

-for your sweet words about friendship (although for the record, i wasn't searching for compliments! LOL ) :)

-for being MY friend.

this is not a fluffy post. feel free to pass it by. this is more midnight ramblings dealing with some thoughts in my head that i need to get out; to label some feelings i've had for a long time.

for me, friendship is something that does not come naturally.

i tend to be an introvert. i have a hard time initiating stuff. i get really nervous before social things, and end up talking too much and regretting the things i say later and think that i sound like a jerk most of the time, when really, i'm just trying really hard to make connections with people.

i have good intentions, but i allow too much time to pass before contacting a friend.

i don't like talking on the phone, not because of the whole "talking on the phone" thing, but because i have a hard time not being distracted by my kids when i'm on the phone, and i feel like i'm doing you a disservice by not listening to you 100%. (but it doesn't bother me in the least when you have to tend to your kids while i'm on the phone with you.)

it hurts me to see my friends hurting. i try to do a lot in my power to help, but most of the time i just feel helpless, and i'm afraid i push others away because i feel like if i can't help, maybe i should just leave you alone so i don't complicate matters.

i gossip too much. i regret a lot that i say. i think that i should probably hold my tongue more and be a better listener.

i feel guilty over friendships that i've let slack. i remove myself from friendships because i feel like i am a horrible friend, so they'd be better off without me at all.

i'm lazy. i forget birthdays even though i imagine that i would love to send handmade cards and thoughtful gifts.

it's very important to me to be authentic and transparent with others, but did you know that in order to be real, others have to see the ugly, broken side of you too? sometimes i'd rather just be fake so that you can think that i'm a nice person.

just being honest here. it's something i think about a lot. i want my kids to learn to be a better friend than i am.

Just to answer a quick question,

the products used in the altered clipboard class:

clipboard- 7gypsies
papers- Scenic Route & Cactus Pink (the only one of these was the pink background with the brown hand-drawn flowers)
flowers- Prima & Walmart ;)
ribbons- Michael's
fuzzy rubons- Heidi Swapp
journaling spot- Heidi Swapp

Other: Acrylic craft paint, mini tag, and cardstock. :)

but instead,

i'm perusing the internet, not really looking for anything, just messing around.

listening to my husband snore, trying to fit in a few more ounces of water.

waiting to feed atticus one more time before i hit the sack.

trying to figure out how i'm going to wear my hair tomorrow (i love to experiment with my hair).

thinking about my new workout dvds. (hoping that i'll see results soon!)

waiting anxiously for fall. these alabama summers are KILLING me.

excited about starting work on some new challenges... the 52 challenges from Elsie (over at scrapetc.net)

and

the way cool contest with the effer girls.

oh yeah... and thinking about how very cool my altered clipboard class went. it was awesome. so fun to see others taking something i'd created, and adding their own touches & personalities to it. seeing them excited about something they'd created. hearing stories about photos and scrapping and life. :)

i think i like this teaching thing.

Heads up,

You can check out LIVE pics from the CHA releases at Scrap Etc. starting tonight or tomorrow! Monique, the owner of Scrap Etc., is there and always does a wonderful job enabling us to spend all of our cash... LOL

Check out the blog (and the cool prizes) at Scrap Etc.!

Look at that belly! LOL

And just for you, Adrienne:

Here's a pic of the class I'm teaching this Thursday night at Scrap Etc. I think my class is all full! YAY!

I can't believe that the pics of Em & I on here were only taken last September. Oh how much has changed.... :)

my sister is here visiting and it has been wonderful. I am so blessed to have a teenage sister that is not the normal self-absorbed teeny-bopper.

She has such a servant's heart...
is in love with her niece and nephew...
has a funky sense of humor and makes me laugh...
is absolutely beautiful {inside & out}...

she's been reading like crazy while she's been here, which is cool for me to see. I love to sow the seeds of a reader with a passion for books.

I got her hooked on Francine Rivers with the Mark of the Lion series, which she stayed up reading until her eyes just couldn't stay open any longer.

(I told Shaun, "Mal stayed up until 2am reading." He said, "Cool.")

She's reading "Inkheart" at the moment, and I can hardly get her to tear her eyes away.

Yay.

In a lot of ways, Mallory is like a daughter to me (she was born when I was almost 13), but as she's growing older, our sister-ness is showing more and more. She's not a kid anymore. She's become a young woman. (Does that mean I'm becoming an old woman? LOL)

She's been helping me complete several projects around the house this week, including:

• meticulously folding ALL of Atticus' clothes and organizing them (the boy will not need clothes for at least a year, if not longer!)
• handing me stuff to put into the attic
• taking down the french doors in Em's room & hanging floaty curtains
• scrubbing the upholstery on a couch & getting it nice and clean
• helping me hang curtains in the living room

And on top of this, going around to a gazillion places and helping me unload/load the kids, picking up the house, feeding Em, holding Atticus, GIVING ME A FOOT RUB!!!!, and entertaining Em...

dude. I am so freaking blessed.

The girl deserves a super-prize. Gotta figure out what. :)

I'm alive y'all.... I've not had a whole lot of extended computer time lately.

I'm getting ready to go teach my first class at Scrap Etc. this afternoon... I have to admit- I'm nervous!

I wanted to answer a few quick questions before I headed out, regarding my last post. ;)

The guy was someone I was very close friends with throughout high school. I always kind of had a crush on him, but he flitted in and out.... he was more of a ladies' man.
We were what I would have considered best friends, and although I had feelings for him, I also valued his friendship very much.

We don't talk anymore... we dated briefly the summer before we both left for college, and although we both went to colleges in Birmingham, we went to different ones and kinda went different ways. We had a rough transition patch trying to figure things out... where our friendship stood, should their be a relationship, etc. I have my own opinions on things, of course, and things became too complicated for us... hence the essay that I wrote.

It's a good thing we ended up the way we did, in the long run. I think I would have continued to carry a torch for him long after what would have been healthy.

And I did happen to meet a handsome fella by the name of Shaun that semester... :)